Strength in the darkness
by public static void
Summary: Sometimes Neville needs to remember not everything that came from the war was suffering. Hannah will always be there to help.


The room was dimly lit with many candles, just as Hannah liked it. Neville closed his eyes and leaned back, inhaling the cinnamon and pumpkin scent from the candles, and let out a sigh full of tiredness. The scent reminded him of Halloween at Hogwarts, before everything went wrong. He could almost taste the chocolate pudding George Weasley served him, expecting another one of the harmless pranks from him. None came, and Neville decided it was a good memory, not at all like those from the next Halloween.

His hand closed over the burgundy blanket Hannah wove for him, its raspy surface grounding him and reminding Neville of the present. He was not at Hogwarts, and the Carrow siblings were gone in all the ways that counted. They would forever remain ingrained in the memories of Neville's generation but at the end of the day, Alecto and Amycus Carrow didn't physically exist anymore. Life and death were difficult concepts because when the memories came to Neville's mind, everything was alive and the pain from the red and purple spells the siblings favored felt real.

He flinched. His left arm, where the spell from the witch hit, twitched at the phantom pain that invaded him and he almost whimpered.

The window opened slightly, pushed from the same wind that sent a whiff of the candle smoke towards Neville's nose. He wasn't at Hogwarts during that dark year. He was home and his wife would be there soon. She might even bring some food from the Leaky Cauldron, or that fantastic Thai take-out from the muggle place she and Susan liked.

Meanwhile, he was alone.

Suddenly his home felt empty, the sound of his footsteps to the kitchen reminded him of his momentaneous loneliness. The mug of hot chocolate calmed him, but with it came the voice of Remus Lupin saying everything would be alright once he ate an invisible chocolate piece. Neville extended his hand, trying to reach Lupin's hand and failing. The professor wasn't there. He wasn't alive.

Neither was Bellatrix and yet her high-pitched laughter came to Neville's ears, He turned around, sending the marshmallows at the top of his mug to the ground. Nobody was there. Bellatrix wasn't there, and Neville knew it. He put the mug on the counter and waved his wand to vanish the marshmallows. He reclined against the fridge and covered his face with shaking hands. He hadn't fought Bellatrix that night, being too preoccupied with leading the rest of the DA, protecting those who had been wounded and trying to kill the snake. Bellatrix's voice still sung her childish song inside his head.

"You are dead, you won't come back. I'm alive and we won. We saved ourselves from you," he repeated twice before opening his eyes and realizing he was sitting on the cold floor. The lack of steam from his hot chocolate told him it had been a while since he lost himself on memories that played one after the other, haunting him. At the small living room, most of the candles were just melted wax and smoking, blackened wicks.

Neville stayed on the floor, his eyes set where the counter met the tile. He didn't want to get up, not until Hannah came home and he had to smile for her. He didn't want to let go the pain on his heart and the anxiousness that came from recalling that last year a Hogwarts.

He heard the door click and swing open, followed by sure footsteps walking first on the wood tile and then on the carpeted floor of the living room.

"Neville?"

Hannah didn't look for him in the kitchen, surely believing he would be asleep upstairs, and Neville got up when he heard the sound of her light feet on the staircase.

"Are you sleeping?"

He went to the small bathroom by the laundry room and washed his face, drying it with a spell. He grimaced at his reflection, wondering when had he let go of the bravery and the strength he worked hard to gain.

"I'm down here," he yelled to his wife from the laundry room, where he quickly put a load of wet, white clothes on the charmed drying-box. "Just finishing up the laundry, Hannah."

He went out and found her leaning against the gray wall. She had her arms crossed and her brow furrowed.

"Are you alright?" she asked without moving closer to him, and Neville leaned against the wall, too, at the other side of the aisle. "And don't you dare lie to me, Neville, 'cause I can see how you scrunch up your nose whenever you lie."

He scoffed and looked away, one of his hands playing with a loose thread on his tweed sweater. "How do you think I am, Hannah? You're the one who studied psychology at the muggle university."

His playful voice didn't fool her and Neville knew it. She bit her lip and eyed him worriedly.

"I think this is the first time you admit you need a psychologist, even if you had to joke about it."

"Harry didn't need to see a Healer, and he went trough a lot of worse stuff than I did."

"Harry also became a reckless Auror who had to go on probation for a year because of his impulsive and sometimes suicidal moves. You know that, Neville," Hannah told him harshly, almost chastising him. "You were there when that happened and you were the one to recommend he see a therapist."

Neville looked away again, faking interest in the copy of an Edgar Degas painting hanging by the staircase.

"It really doesn't matter," he tried to argue, knowing his nonchalant voice would not fool Hannah. She was too smart for that.

"It matters to me."

She had walked towards him without Neville noticing until he had to acknowledge her being there. She was tall reaching up to Neville's brows, which made easier for her lock eyes with him.

"It's been ten years, Neville," she pressed on the issue. "You've been like this for ten years."

"Does it bother you?" he asked. His throat hurt and he felt like crying, but he wouldn't. That would only make her worry even more. "Would you rather be with someone more stable?"

She sighed tenderly. "I think it would be better for both of us if you weren't so damn stubborn, Neville," she admitted without looking bothered or guilty, and to Neville that meant a lot because it told him she was being honest, if a little harsh. "But I wouldn't change you for anyone else. You are my one and only."

Silence engulfed them, and the darkness of the room had already claimed them as mere silhouettes. Neville found he liked it, because they only had a window in that aisle and the moonlight coming from it framed Hannah's face perfectly, only her chin shadowed by his shoulder. The dim illumination made her look like a patronus, and Neville couldn't help laughing softly at the thought.

She mistook his laughter for nervousness, and embraced him tightly, kissing his cheek and neck tenderly.

"We will be alright," she told him. "I won't push you out of my life, you know that, don't you?"

Her question was sudden, but it gave Neville a hint of what she thought he believed. He was guilty of thinking Hannah would be better off without him, but that didn't mean he thought she would leave him. Hannah was fiercely loyal, and her their love was not fickle at all.

"I just want to forget everything," he finally said with his face buried in her neck. "The fear, the sound of spells buzzing around, the screams... Even Hogwarts wants to forget. I can feel it whenever I cast the protective charms."

"There is no shame in wanting to forget," Hannah whispered with a soothing voice. Her thumb was tracing loops over Neville's shoulder, just as she had done when they got married. "But we shall remember, Neville. We will always remember everything we suffered. Every spell we took or every spell from us that hit its target. We'll always see the fear we felt when we protected our home, and we will do it with bravery. Nobody else responded that night or that year but us. We took care of ourselves and we grew. Not even Voldemort could take our will away."

"He almost did," Neville reminded her, pulling back from her so he could see her eyes once more. "Voldemort almost won."

"And it wasn't Harry Potter who stopped him," she said smiling. "You were the one that prepared us to fight back again when we thought it was over. We would do the same for you if you only asked. I would do it, at least."

He stared at Hannah, hearing her words repeating in his mind. Yes, he knew she would do everything to make him feel good again, and she was also right in that he wouldn't stop remembering all that happened to them.

"I think you're right," he said softly. "It would be pointless if we survived only to forget and not learn from what we went through," he declared.

"And I will always be there to help you with the memories. With everything, really," Hannah told him between soft kisses.. 'Because you are my strength and I vowed to be yours."


End file.
